Pepper McSausage Picks

A pick a day until my mom comes back to life.

When I was like 9 to 13 years old, my dad would take me on trips to go skiing in Tahoe. Even though snowboarding was definitively the cooler sport, I learned how to ski cuz it’s what my dad knew (much like circumcision and your favorite sports team, your dad generally just gives you what they know). Anyway, every year we’d go and every year i’d get incrementally better, but I fucking dreeeaaded it. I just don’t understand the appeal of skiing. Perhaps it was how we’d go, but it was the same thing over and over again. All day. Just hours of going down slope after slope. Some marked with harder difficulty, but I’m just mostly in my head counting down the hours until I got to go to the lodge and enjoy a hot chocolate, or we’d get to go home.

So one day, when I was 13, I was tired of it and I just crashed out on the slope (both literally and figuratively). I end up in a bush and I’m crying, more out of frustration probably than anything, but it came off like I was hurt and my dad started freaking out a bit. A slope patrol lady came over to check up on me, and asked my if I needed to a medical sled, and holy shit, I found my out! Now, a quick aside about me, when I was younger, I lied all the time for self-preservation (something that as you get older you realize that it really just isn’t that deep and karmically terrible for you, so you’re better off just not), but I was always down to white lie my way around things. So I lied, I hammed it up that I was hurt. Got a VIP ride back to the resort where they checked me out and found no noticeable signs of bruising or injuries. I think they called it a phantom injury or something, or perhaps chalked it up to dehydration, I can’t quite remember. But my dad and I called it a day, and it was our last day there so we just went home. I never went skiing again. We had our fun.

Watching Joel Embiid unable to get 7 rebounds yesterday felt A LOT like this. It ran the same beats. Watching the Sixers defensive possessions felt like going down the slope. You’re so hopeful and there’s a nice little adrenaline rush the first couple times, but he goes half a quarter without getting a rebound or anything and you start to realize, well shit, this is just how my day is gonna go isn’t it. Then the Sixers offensive possessions felt like awkwardly walking your skis over to the ski lift, where somehow I never had the proper momentum to just glide over to the ski lift like other people, I was always having to trek staggeredly like I’m a drunk or something. Then you ride the ski lift and do it all over again. Pretty quickly, the bet felt like a loser, so you’re just biding your time for it all to be over. Very, very sad. Two straight losses putting hope in the hands of two very enigmatic players and I only have myself to blame.

Today’s pick: V.J. EDGECOMBE OVER 17.5 POINTS

After watching Joel Embiid’s blase performance, I want to bank on someone that truly seems to give a shit at least. In an alternate reality, Edgecombe’s rebounds was my pick yesterday and I didn’t have to reminisce about an annoying ski trip like a spoiled brat cuz his bet cashed by halftime lol. But we gotta make due with the reality we are stuck in, and today, we’re rocking with an admittedly very high line for a rookie. Embiid is out, McCain is back out. Vegas is suggesting Edgecombe might find an aggressiveness offensively that he hasn’t found since his first week of the season. And I love it! The minutes will be there (barring foul trouble or something unforeseen) and his previous trends suggest people won’t be hopping on the betting bandwagon with us. The betting bandwagon is currently all over his rebounding prop again, but that feels like a bit of a trap considering what he did yesterday and how he’s more conservative crashing the boards when Embiid’s out.

Good luck everyone, and as always, I’ll see you on the other side!

Pick record: 5-3 (no thank you Joel)